My Thoughts

The past 5 years have been full of joy as well as pain.

The last time I was able to take the bus and go grocery shopping at the supermarket was in 2019. By autumn of that year, I had developed spinal stenosis. I am limited to standing or walking for only 2 minutes before the pain is so intense and my lower back gets so stiff that I have to sit or lay down. In the past 5 years, I can count on my 10 fingers the number of times I’ve left the house.

I never thought I’d be a shut-in and so reclusive, yet that is the situation I find myself in.

My back pain varies from day to day, some days it’s tolerable, but more often than not I have to deal with very sharp pain throughout the day.

I dream of being healed, and I long to walk, stand, jog, and run someday.

I feel a bit like Job did when the Lord was testing him. I refuse to be angry at God or blame Him for my suffering. Whatever I’m going through is insignificant compared to the immense and overwhelming pain Christ endured out of love for us who are His children through adoption.

I feel guilty writing about my pain and health issues, whilst my dear Daddy has been battling cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma) for the past 2 years. Please keep him in your prayers.

Vi has been an absolute saint, the way she looks after me and helps me everyday. Without her, I don’t know how I’d function. She does the cooking, shopping, cleaning the apartment, does the laundry, helps me get changed each day, washes my hair in the sink, makes sure I take my sponge baths and does the dishes. We have a home health aide who now does the vacuuming, dishes, and organizing/cleanup. That is a great blessing.

Vi is truly my best friend, as well as being an awesome elder sister (we are 1 year apart). We spend hours in conversation, we encourage each other in our poetry and writing. We discuss each other’s work. Vi is also a gifted painter/artist. She graduated from Seton Hill University with a degree in English literature. We discuss books we’ve read. We love laying in my queen sized bed and listening to great music, which we have Alexa play on our Echo Dot smart speaker. We also listen to CDs on my Bose Wave Player.

I deeply appreciate all that Vi has done for me. Her companionship, care, love, and support over these past 21 years of living together are priceless. It’s been the happiest time of my life since childhood!

As I look back on the past 5 years, I am encouraged to see how the Lord has brought us through perilous and tough times (COVID-19 for one). He has continued our sanctification. We know our suffering is never in vain.

I hope the next 5 years will be smoother, but even if they are not, as long as Vi and I are together, and I improve in my health (trying to lose weight), I will rejoice!