"2012: Ice Age" (2011) – film review

This movie is a disaster! The acting is so bad I often laughed out loud at the delivery. I could write better dialogue when I was in 9th grade! The plot is very implausible and the premise is ridiculous. One would have to be wholly ignorant of science to not be incredulous.

First of all the glacier would not be speeding across the ocean no matter how big it was. If such a gigantic glacier shelf broke off (1,000 miles wide) it would have triggered a massive tsunami. The shortest over-water distance between Europe and America is 1,630 miles so if glacier will reach the eastern US coast in 19 hours it is traveling at 86mph! This is just not possible.

The Indian scientist is a complete moron, he sees explosions less than a mile away and waits until the last possible minute to take off in the helicopter. Then the fool travels along the fault line! All he has to do was fly at a 90 degree angle to the fault line and he would have been safe. Or he could have just flown higher, the helicopter was way too close to the ground. And that was an extremely powerful huge helicopter he was in so it had the power.

Julie McCullough is not aging well. I was shocked to read that she’s only 45. She looks closer to 60! I remember when she was on “Growing Pains”. This is what happens when you get too much sun exposure. I bet she’s also a smoker. Her skin looks at least 10 years older than her age, she has dark pockets under her eyes, liver spots, tons of wrinkles, skin looks extremely dry and unhealthy! Girls if you want nice skin when you get older STAY OUT OF THE SUN and moisturize.

Their slut daughter is totally annoying. She meets her ostensible boyfriend in Manhattan and after less than 1 minute says, “Let’s go back to the dorm and fool around!” Right there I have lost any sympathy for her and hope the glacier gets her! haha

When the jets fired missiles at the face of the glacier the chunks that broke off went straight up into the air! That violated several laws of physics lol.

As they drive away everything is destroyed by the glacier, yet it somehow stopped just before reaching the road?!

The son has a panicked expression for most of the movie and seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The exchange between in the car between the mother and him is hilarious. Keep in mind that he’s apparently 17-18:

Nelson: Everything is gone isn’t it?
Teri: Just don’t even think about it alright Nelson.
Nelson: Everything. God! Friends. I need to get online!
Teri: No no. You need to focus on what’s important ok.
Nelson: THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Teri: No it’s not important!

I guess Nelson wanted to check Facebook before the entire east coast is destroyed!

Their car crashing was so dumb. He knows the weather is bad so he speeds and takes his eyes off the road to talk to his wife?! They then commandeer a group home van.

Instead of being logical and telling their daughter to head south now they decide to drive 6 hours to go and pick her up. The glacier would have reached NY way before they’d even get there since it just hit Maine and is traveling at around 86mph. Idiotic!

The people in Boston are walking around and are instantly frozen in place by super cold air! lol.

We are treated to this brilliant exchange:

Julia: But what about the glacier isn’t it headed straight for us?
Natl. Guardsman: Not for long. There’s a combined task force on its way to meet it.
Julia: So you’ve declared war on a glacier?
Natl. Guardsman: That’s right. It’s the last chunk of the glacier and they’re putting everything they have on it. Now get your asses inside before I have you arrested!

Later when they are in the Cessna flying to NJ Nelson logs into the NOAA website (user: julia, password: nelson – haha how dumb!) and informs his parents that the glacier is now moving at 200mph! HOW ABSURD!

When the cop told Teri the George Washington Bridge is out she looks at it, sees the damage and says, “Wooow.” haha! Perhaps the worst acting I’ve ever seen on film!

No matter how congested traffic is they always find a convenient alternate route.

The snow is obviously fake.

Twice Bill expertly maneuvers the car to dodge gigantic chunks of falling glacier ice!

They take refuge in the Statue of Liberty and the massive glacier stops moving as soon as it hits the statue, but not hard enough to knock it down!

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