The Reformed Church in America: Dating and Dysfunction

It’s not easy being a 47-year-old (never married) single Reformed man, who is disabled and suffering from severe mental illnesses, in America and looking for a godly wife.

I’m in a Reformed singles group on Facebook and after several years of careful observation, I must sadly recognize that the vast majority of the Reformed women seem to want Reformed men who possess rather superficial qualities!

They say he must be handsome, muscular and in great health, have no mental illnesses, good paying stable middle-class job, his own car, a good education, the ability to buy a house, ability to take expensive vacations! They say this instead of focusing on qualities that truly matter and are biblical, like strong faith in Christ, honesty, compassion, sensitivity, suffering for Christ, etc.

These Reformed women have the same laundry list of requirements as worldly women! The materialistic and consumeristic so-called American Dream of an easy and comfortable life!

Such thinking leaves disabled Reformed men like me out in the cold facing expectations and requirements that are impossible for us to fulfill.

I’m so disgusted by Christianity as practiced by most people in America! It’s so superficial, immature, weak, and shallow. It’s a mile wide and an inch deep! Truly it is a carnal Christianity.

Things should be better in the Reformed churches due to orthodox biblical theology, but honestly, it still falls far too short. I know so many godly men who would make devoted husbands and fantastic fathers, but they are passed over and rejected by so-called Reformed Christian women time after time! It’s disheartening, discouraging, and frankly, it’s wicked and sinful!!

Reformed women: REPENT! After you’ve experienced true sincere repentance and are obedient to the Word of God, you will realize the things you thought were “essential” or “so important” truly were not. You’ll come to look foremost for Christ-like qualities in a Reformed man, and not value his worth by worldly metrics such as how much he can benchpress, what his annual income is, what type of car he drives, etc.

This blog post is not a rant. It’s my honest and raw experiences of being a Reformed man with severe mental illness and trapped in poverty because of it. I’ve been searching for a godly Reformed wife for the past 10 years, I’ve signed up to Reformed singles sites such as Tulip Singles, and I’ve chatted with literally hundreds of single Reformed women and every single one has categorically rejected me. I know Reformed men also have issues, but speaking truthfully from my Reformed single men’s and mine experiences, I can say that my evaluation is the painful truth of a Reformed Church in dysfunction and apostasy!

The Reformed Church in America is no different than the other Christian churches in America, at least in the fact that both have the majority of their members as backslidden and lukewarm living by a subtle, yet worldly philosophy which has infected the Church.

The Reformed women are not being raised correctly. Their parents, elders, teachers, relatives, and pastors are not teaching them to seek a godly Reformed man even if he is mentally ill, even if he is poor, or even if he is physically disabled. They should look at his heart first and foremost. They should see if he is truly living for Christ. That is the type of man they should want for their husbands. That is the type of man they should want as the father of their children.

The vast majority of Christians in the Early Church were living in poverty. Scripture several times warns us of the dangers of wealth and easy living. Yet, these poor Christian men had no problem finding godly wives and raising children unto the Lord.

The pernicious and corrosive effects of radical feminism have so infiltrated the Reformed Church that its presence is unnoticed by most people.

Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Christ is the ideal human being, specifically the perfect man. Yet Scripture tells us he was not handsome, he was an itinerant preacher who traveled from town to town. He did not possess great wealth, He wasn’t even middle class! This is my goal as a Reformed man. To live for and be conformed to the image of Christ! I pray God will find a one-in-a-million godly Reformed wife for me.

And before anyone dismisses me by saying maybe I am called to singleness. I have had a clear and strong calling from the Lord to marriage for the past 22 years, even before I was Reformed. Since becoming Reformed my desire for a godly marriage has only intensified.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:22

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.

Genesis 2:18

One response to “The Reformed Church in America: Dating and Dysfunction”

  1. Maybe, the voluntary celibate would be a solution? I think, there are many roles to perform, not everyone must be a married father…..


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